my wife told me to stand here
Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven.
God comes and says “I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men that dominated their women on earth and the other line for the men that were whipped by their women. Also, I want all the women to go with St Peter.”
Said and done, and there are two lines. The line of the men that were whipped was 100 miles long, and the line of men that dominated women, there was only one man.
God got mad and said. “You men should be ashamed of yourselves.I created you in my image and you were all whipped by your mates. Look at the only one of my sons that stood up and made me proud. Learn from him! Tell them, my son, how did you manage to be the only one on that line?”
The man said, “I don‘t know, my wife told me to stand here.”
翻译：
我太太让我站这里的
世上的每一个人都上了天堂，神说 :“要男人分成两队， 一是在世上控制女人的男人，另一是被女人鞭打的男人。另外女子自成一队 ，跟着圣彼德去 。”
队伍列好后，一是被女人鞭打的，有 100 英里长，一是在世上控制女人的，仅有一人。
神生气的说 :“你们男人应该感到羞耻，我按照自己的形象创造了你们，而你们被女子鞭打。看看，我唯一的儿子，站着使我骄傲，你们应该向他学习，告诉他们，儿子，你如何成为唯一站在这一队上的 ？”
这男子回说 :“我不知道，我太太叫我站在这的 ！”
That depends
Safety is a major concern at the manufacturing company where I work. So I‘m constantly preaching caution to the workers I supervise. “Does anyone know,” I asked a few guys, “what the speed limit is in our parking lot?” The long silence that followed was interrupted when one of them piped up.
”That depends. Do you mean coming in to work or leaving?”
翻译：
这得看情况
在我上班的那家制造公司，安全是一个重点问题。 所以，我就得不停地地给我管那些人灌输安全意识。“有没有人知道，”我问几个人，“我们的停车场限速多少英里？”沉默了相当一段时间之后有人声地说。“那得看情况。你说的是上班还是下班？”
Mad at her computer
The community college where my ex-husband teaches is next door to the North Carolina School for the Deaf. One day he entered the computer lab and noticed a hearing-impaired student signing away animatedly — but, it seemed, to no one in particular. He asked her interpreter if the student was okay. “Oh, she‘s fine,” said the interpreter. “She‘s just swearing at her computer.”
翻译：
——她生电脑的气
我前夫任教的社区大学的傍边是北卡聋人学校。 一天，他进入电脑实验室时发觉一个听力受损的学生正激动地比划着聋人手语 — 但她面前并没有人。 于是，我前夫问这个女学生的翻译这个学生是否有问题。“噢，她没事”，翻译说。“她只是在对电脑发脾气”。
Surprise
Don‘t ever pay a surprise visit to a child in college. You might be the one getting the surprise. I learned this the hard way when I swung by my son‘s campus during a business trip. Locating what I thought was his fraternity house, I rang the doorbell. “Yeah?” a voice called from inside.
”Does Dylan Housman live here?”
”Yup,” the voice answered. “Leave him on the front porch. We‘ll drag him in later.”
翻译：
——惊喜
从来不要冷不丁地去看你上大学的孩子。因为你有可能成为被吓一大跳的那个。 一次，我在出差期间绕道去儿子的大学，结果得到这个教训。 那天，琢磨着那就是儿子住的男生宿舍，我按了门铃。“什么事？”一个声音从里面传出来。
“Dylan Housman 是住在这吗？”
“没错”，那个声音回答。“你把他放在走廊上吧。我们过一会就把他拽进来”。
