1.roast pig
A gentleman was invited for dinner. When he hurried there and sat down, he was happy to see a roast pig in front of his seat:”Not bad, I am next to the pig.” But then he noticed the angry fat lady sitting next to him. He faked a smile and added: “Oh I am sorry, I meant the roasted one on the table.”
翻译：
烤乳猪
一位先生去赴宴迟到了，匆忙入座后，发现自己的座位正对着乳猪，于是大为高兴的说：“还不错，我坐在乳猪的旁边。”这时才发现身旁的一位胖女士正怒目相视，他忙陪笑改口到：“对不起，我说的是那只烤好的。”
2.The doctor lives downstairs
“Doctor,” she said loudly, bouncing into the room, “I want you to say frankly what‘s wrong with me.”
He surveyed her from head to foot. “Madam,” he said at length, “I‘ve just three things to tell you. First, your weight wants reducing by nearly fifty pounds. Second, your beauty could be improved if you used about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick. And third, I‘m an artist—the doctor lives downstairs.”
翻译：
医生住在楼下
“医生”她冲进屋后大声说道。
“我想让你坦率地说我到底得了什么病。”
他从头到脚打量打量她，然后大声说：“太太，我有三件事要对你说。第一，您的体重需要减少大约50磅；第二，如果您要用上十分之一的胭脂和口红，您的美貌将会改变。第三，我是一位画家——医生住在楼下。”
3.Have you ever seen mixed doubles，boys？
Teacher of Physical Education: Have you ever seen mixed doubles，boys？
Nick: Yes，sir. Quite of ten. I saw it even last night.
Teacher: Please tell us some thing about it.
Nick: Oh，sorry，sir. My father always says, “Domestic shame should not be published.”
翻译：
你们见过男女混合双打吗？
体育老师：孩子们，你们见过男女混合双打吗？
尼克：见过，老师，经常见。就在昨天夜里我还见过呢！
老师：那你给大家讲讲当时的情形吧。
尼克：啊，对不起，老师。我爸爸常说:“家丑不可外扬。”
4.He is really somebody
— My uncle has 1000 men under him.
— He is really somebody. What does he do?
— A maintenance man in a cemetery.
翻译：
他真是一个大人物
— 我叔叔下面有1000个人。
— 他真是一个大人物。干什么的？
— 墓地守墓人。
5.They are directly from America
Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.
At last she could not hold any more, uttering. “Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America.”
翻译：
它们是从美国直接带来的
一位中国老妇人在美国看望女儿回来不久，到一家市银行存女儿送给她的美元。在银行柜台，银行职员认真检查了每一张钞票，看是否有假。
这种做法让老妇人很不耐烦，最后实在忍耐不住说：“相信我，先生，也请你相信这些钞票。这都是真正的美元，它们是从美国直接带来的。”
