1.Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial.
The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.
The first one came back and said to the king, “I brought ten apples.” The king then explained the trial to him. “You have to shove the fruits up your butt without any expression on your face or you‘ll be eaten.”
The first apple went in… but on the second one he winced out in pain, so he was killed.
The second one arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be easy.
So he proceeded: 1…2…3…4…5…6…7…8… and on the 9th berry he burst out in laughter and was killed immediately.
Weeks later, the first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, “Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?”
“I couldn‘t help it, I saw the third guy coming with pineapples.”
翻译：
三个在森林迷路的人被食人族抓住了。食人族首领对他们说,如果他们能通过一项游戏,他们就能活命。
测验的第一关是,去森林里采摘属于同一品种的10个水果。所以,这三个人分散开来去采摘水果。
第一个人回来对食人族首领说:“我带回来了10个苹果。”首领然后向他说明了游戏规则:“你必须要把这10个苹果塞进你的屁眼里,同时脸上不能有任何表情,否则就吃了你。
第一个苹果被塞进去了….到第二个的时候,因为疼痛他躲开了,所以,他被吃掉了。
第二个人带着10个葡萄回来了。当首领向他说明游戏规则后,他想,对他来说这应该很容易。
他开始了,一个,两个,三个, …….当到第九个葡萄的时候,他大笑了起来,所以,他马上被吃了。
几星期过去了,第一个人和第二个人在天堂碰面了。第一个人问第二个人:“你当时干嘛笑啊,你都快成功了?”
第二个人回答说:“我忍不住啊,我看见第三个人拿着10个菠萝回来了。”
2.A guy goes to visit his grandma and he brings his friend with him.
While he‘s talking to his grandma, his friend starts eating the peanuts on the coffee table, and finishes them off.
As they‘re leaving, his friend says to his grandma, “Thanks for the peanuts.”
She says, “Yeah, since I lost my dentures I can only suck the chocolate off.”
翻译：
一名男子带着朋友去探望他的祖母。
当他和祖母聊天时，他的朋友开始吃咖啡桌上放的花生，并把花生都给吃光了。
他们离开时，他的朋友对祖母说:”谢谢您的花生。”
结果祖母说:”唉！自从我牙齿掉光后，我就只能吮掉花生豆外层的巧克力了。（英语笑话带翻译 www.lyy5.com ）”
3.Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?
Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.
Teacher: Please tell us.
Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.
翻译：
老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？
学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。
老师：请说说看。
学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。
4.Neighbor: I heard a big noise in front of your house last night. What happened to you?
Husband: It was nothing. My wife was a bit cross, and threw my overcoat out of the window.
Neighbor: Your overcoat? But how could it make such a noise?
Husband: I… I happened to be inside the coat.
翻译：
邻居：昨天夜里我听见你家屋前有很大的声音，你们出了什么事吗？
丈夫：没什么。我的妻子有点不高兴，把我的大衣给扔到窗外去了。
邻居：你的大衣？扔掉大衣怎么会有那么大的声音？
丈夫：我……我恰好也在大衣里面
