1.An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.
The Wizard says, “Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.”
The old man says without hesitation – “I now pronounce you man and wife.”
翻译：
一个男人找到一个巫婆，要求她解开一条困扰了自己40年的咒语。
巫婆说：”或许我可以做的到，但你必须一字不落地告诉我下咒的时候说的那句咒语。”
男人毫不犹豫的答道：“‘我现在宣布你们成为夫妇。’”
2.There was a little old lady who was nearly blind, and she had three sons who wanted to prove which one was the best to her.
Son 1 bought her a 15-room mansion, thinking this would surely be the best that any of them could offer her.
Son 2 bought her a beautiful Mercedes with a chauffeur included, thinking this would surely win her approval.
Son 3 had to do something even better, so he bought her a parrot that he had been training for 15 years to memorize the entire Bible. You could ask the parrot any verse in the Bible, and he could quote it word for word. What a gift that would be.
Well, the old lady went to the first son and said, “Son, the house is just gorgeous, but it‘s really much too big for me. I only live in one room, and it‘s too large to clean and take care of. I really don‘t need the house, but thank you anyway.” Then she confronted her second son with, “Son, the car is beautiful. It has everything you could ever want on it, but I don‘t drive and really don‘t like the chauffeur, so please return the car.”
Next, she went to Son 3 and said, “Son, I just want to thank you for your most thoughtful gift. That chicken was delicious.”（英语笑话 www.lyy5.com ）
翻译：
从前有一个近乎失明的小老太，她有三个儿子，每一个都想向母亲证明自己对她最好。
第一个儿子为她买下一栋有15个房间的大屋，他觉得这是对母亲最好的孝顺方式，其他兄弟都比不上。
二儿子为她买了一辆漂亮的奔驰，还配了个司机。他也觉得他一定会赢了。
老三为母亲买了一只鹦鹉。这只鹦鹉接受了15年的训练，能一字不落地背诵整部圣经，并且不论你问他什么，他都能从圣经里原句引出。
这位老太太对他的第一个儿子说：“孩子，你买的房子很棒。但是它太大了，我只能睡一间屋，还要花时间去 打理剩下的房间，谢谢你，但我实在不需要它。”接着她对二儿子说：“你的车也很好，再不能找到比那更棒的车了，但我不会开车，也不喜欢那个司机，所以你把它拿去推了吧！”
最后，她对她的小儿子说：“孩子，我要感谢你最棒的礼物！那只鸡实在是美味啊！”
3.MY ENGLISH PROFESSOR once launched into a lecture on “motivation.” “What pushes you ahead?” he asked. “What is it that makes you go to school each day? What driving force makes you strive to accomplish?” Turning suddenly to one young woman, he demanded: “What makes you get out of bed in the morning?” The student replied: “My mother.”
翻译：
我们英文课的教授有一次在课上讲“动力”。“是什么推动你在人生的路上向前走？”他问道，“是什么让你每天上学来？又是什么驱使你追求成功？”冲着一个女学生，他问：“是什么让你早晨从床上爬起来的呢？”学生答道：“我妈妈。”
