1. SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
2. FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
3. MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn‘t.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won‘t change! And she does.
4. DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
5. NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
6. NAMES
If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara.
If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.
7. EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in a $20, even though it‘s only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the women get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
翻译：
1.从对成功的定义看……
成功的男人就是：挣得永远比老婆花得多。
成功的女人就是：能找到上述那样的老公。
2.从对未来的看法看……
女人直到找到老公前都在担心未来。
男人直到找到老婆后才开始担心未来。
3.从对婚姻的看法看……
女人嫁给一个男人，希望他能改变，可他不。
男人娶了一个女人，希望她永远不变，可她变了。
4.从穿着看……
买东西，浇花，倒垃圾，接电话，读书和取信的时候，女人都会打扮。
看到男人穿的正式点，那不是去婚礼就是去葬礼。
5.从容貌的真实度看……
男人起床后和上床前看起来差不多。
女人过了一晚上的容颜会变糟。
6.从朋友间的称呼看……
如果劳瑞，琳达，伊丽莎白和芭芭拉出去吃饭，她们会互相称呼彼此为劳瑞，琳达，伊丽莎白和芭芭拉。
如果马克，克里斯，埃里克和汤姆出去吃饭，他们会亲切地称对方为胖子，怪兽，傻瓜和刺儿头。
7.从外出就餐看……
结账的时候，需然只花了32.5美元，马克，克里斯，埃里克和汤姆也会每人都甩出20美元。没人有更小的票子，也没人愿意招认他们其实是想破钱。
轮到女人结账时，她们每个人会掏出个便携式计算器。
